Gone

Well Joe has now gone off for some training for the next couple of weeks. Then he gets the lovely priviledge of being home for two days before they send him off again. The kids have gone crazy already. Of course, I think the first night is usually the worst because the hurt is so fresh in their minds. I got home late thanks to rush hour and both Dan and Porter were screaming their little heads off. Since I was cuddling them to calm them down, Emma started crocodile tearing it so that she could get attention, when that didn't work, her and Hyrum started going buzerk around the house and spilling food everywhere. Man, I am very thankful that they are all tired and seem to be going to sleep alright for me tonight so that I can get a bit of a breather after that, not to mention the horrible time of sitting around Camp Williams just waiting for Joe's paperwork to show up and then waiting while it took forever for him to check in. Whenever I leave my DS at home I need it and if I bring it I don't. Today would have been those days of need and not have. I was bounce off the ceiling of the car and so were the kids. I was ready to have myself committed. I am so proud of my husband's service in the military but sometimes I really wish they could get their act together and be more organized and actually have a real plan, you know, one they actually can stick to. Oh well, here goes the next couple of weeks. Practice time for the whole year thing, but I tell you what I'm actually looking forward to the year, because then it's done, I don't have to have the wound opened over and over again like I will for the next couple of months. Of course, at this rate by the time he actually goes for the year, I'll be so numb that maybe it will be easier. I tell you though, I hate to admit it, this deployment terrifies me to the very center of my being. How on earth does anyone be a single mom of four kids? Especially, four kids who love their dad. The task before me is so terrifingly daunting. I know I can do it because I have a wonderful family support system and then I have a wonderful Heavenly Father that will help me through everything, but the idea of taking care of my kids and my home and everything all by myself for a whole year and then some is just terrrifing. It's like standing on top of a cliff where you can't see the bottom. You know someone is about to push you off the cliff, you know you can't do anything to stop them, all you can do is hope and pray as hard as you can that God will give you wings. Pray for us all.