My Daily Strength

You know the one thing about children that I find to be the most uplifting and yet also so baffling is the fact that this beautiful little ones can drive you completely insane and at the same time make you feel so loved, so comforted at times of stress and emotional crisis. My children are amazing. The noise, the fighting (which doesn't happen constantly but still happens), the whining, the disobedience, it all drives me to insanity. Most of the time I just want to yank all my hair out and run screaming down the road, and yet, when I feel the most lonely, when I feel the most lost, I look into those beautiful little kids eyes, my whole world comes into focus and I feel my spirit spring upward. They make me so happy to be alive. With Joe gone and all, each day is a toss up as to how I will feel. But my children, when I am the most down give me purpose. I love these beautiful little kids. I love this look. I was looking for a smile, and I get a "what mom, I'm playing."
Those beautiful rosy cheeks and the little dot of spaghetti sauce. Can't beat that.
This smile makes my world spin. This little boy is an absolute angel. His laught brightens every room. When I hold him and he hugs me tight, I never want to let go. Thank you God for sending me my third sweet little boy. You are an amazing addition to our little family.
This one. His laugh also lightens my heart. And there's nothing better than wearing a strainer as his hat.
That hair and that smile. Emma, I admit, is the hardest for me to handle. She is very whinny, very loud, very sassy, but when she smiles at me, nothing else matters. My little girl. My little surprise.
Those fingers are so yummy. He does this constantly. It's so cute. I'm waiting for him to get the thumb but so far, it's just the fingers.
I was sure trying to get her not to pose with her hands all funny like she's been doing lately. As a result she puffs herself up. She's so funny. She claims that unless she puts her hands in different poses, she's not beautiful. She is so beautiful though.
Sure trying to crawl again. He's so cute. He did it at the picnic because of his boots. He was able to get real traction and move forward, but on the carpet with no shoes on he doesn't quite go, but he sure as heck tries.
Oh, my big boy is so sweet. I keep trying to get him to smile, but he always looks like he is smelling something funny. I told him to just look happy and this is the result. He tries so hard to take good care of his mommy and his siblings. He's such an amazing little boy. I am so proud of him. He is freakishly smart, has a photographic memory, and even as his mother knowing how smart this little one is, he still manages to blow my mind away every day. I just hope and pray that I can give him what he needs to really excell.

My life is truly amazing. I have wonderful children, and I can honestly say that, even after fighting with them about going to bed. I have an amazing husband, who loves me like no other ever has, and who I love more than words can even begin to express. If I had nothing else in this world, as long as I had Joe and our children my life would be complete. I just pray every day that they will always know just how much I love them. With Joe so far away, I hate that I can't tell him that I love him as much as I would like, but I know he knows. I miss him so much. It hurts to have him away, and even that feeling is made worse whenever I look into my little ones' eyes as they beg for their daddy and don't understand why their mommy, who can do anything, can't she? afterall she is their mother, can't make him come home. It makes me so sad. It's especially bad for Emma. Porter and Dan are still too young, they know something is missing but they can't formulate what and so they cling to mom. Hyrum is old enough to know that Daddy will come home when he can but he knows Mom doesn't have any control over it, but he still clings to me for fear I will leave too. Emma is the worst. She acts out, says she has headaches all the time, and begs mommy to bring daddy home. Whether or not she goes to primary is hit or miss, because she wants to be with mom. She says she is sick and wants to go home. She's also afraid that mom will go away too. I don't know how to explain to them that I am not going anywhere. I try, but I wish so much for them to know that I love them and I am not going away, and that their daddy didn't leave them, he just had to go away for a while to help other people and he will be home before they even know it. Oh I love these little ones so much. God be with them. God be with me to make them feel safe and so very loved, as they are.